5 Years Ago Today

Five years ago today, this is what we looked like.
OMG- that hoodie, a non-maternity fave, was workin' overtime on that belly!
I had to relinquish it to the thrift pile post-birth; as it never regained its shape.
Sorta like me, I suppose ... !

Five years ago today, I was seven days overdue. I waddled into my clinic to the sympathetic smiles of the front desk staff- no doubt shocked I survived Thanksgiving & the weekend storm without having That Baby. Did you have extra pumpkin pie? They giggled. That- THAT right there was why I stopped going into the office a week prior. People, while meaning well, annoyed the shit out of me. The day I hit my due date, 11/27/07, I stopped leaving the house, for all intents and purposes. Except to forcefully walk the dog for miles and miles, while cursing every single old wives' tale of that starting labor, in the Dad's giant snowboarding jacket and loosened Sorels. Except to go to another OB appointment, except for a regular peppermint mocha run to the Local Blend uptown ... caffeinate that sucker, please, I'd tell the Barista. Maybe that will shake the baby out.

Five years ago today, I had several heart-to-hearts with my pediatric nurse bestie about my cervix; I had several full-on cry-cry-crying sessions with my Mama; I had several emails with my wife-of-a-Chiropractor bestie about my transverse fetus & how to get it head down, once and for all.

Five years ago today, my beloved, and I truly mean that, OB, in her long, gray braids, Aztec vest, and soothing voice told me to burn some sage to induce labor. Burn some sage, Mama. Get centered. Feel the calm, welcome the storm, Oh, I welcomed the storm alright. Of hot tears and the complete inability of being in control. Call my nurse in the morning, let her know how the sage burning went, and we can discuss an induction ...

Five years ago today, I still swore on everything I owned and held sacred I was having a boy. I worried about the freaking green, fuzzy Carter's snowsuit I bought was too girly for him to come home in. I also worried that after purchasing the coming-home outfit at a Newborn size, up to nine pounds infant-swathing capacity, it would be too small after I had baked this kid into eternity.

Five years ago today, I started an email to everyone & their Mothers with this as the first line ... "Well, it seems our little Thanksgiving turkey is instead going to be a Christmas ham ... " to give them the update before becoming inundated with their requests for one. Once again very well-meaning, but still ...

Five years ago today, I still worried about my water breaking when I joined my friends at a birthday Happy Hour at a Real Live Bar. I tried ordering an icy shot of Grey Goose when I finally got that belly hoisted onto the stool; but instead received a complimentary mug of drought root beer when I answered the bartender's, when are you due? with an, "168 hours ... AGO,"

Five years ago today, wide-awake and sitting sentinel in my spot in the living room at 2am, I feared- not labor or pushing or drugs or sterility or screaming at my husband, but of never, ever sleeping, ever again. I am pretty sure I didn't sleep a wink all of November, and I had the stocked-to-the-hinges deep freeze full of baked goods and holiday crap to prove it. Come out come out wherever you are, baby ham, I have some scones and brittle and muffins and strudel and lasagna and stew and stromboli and rosettes and biscotti and peach brandy slush to feed you.

Five years ago today, I had no clue ... not even a tiny ounce of how my life was going to change in a mere 72 hours from now.